The fear of being told "No"

There have been many times in my life when I didn't ask for what I wanted because I was worried someone was going to tell me "No". I can look back over my life and see the many missed opportunities and disappointments because of worrying over this. This summer I had a big aha moment regarding this irrational fear.

I say irrational because it is. It's irrational because we are so worried over someone telling us "No" that we do not bother asking for what we want. But in the very act of not asking, you are giving yourself an automatic and resounding "No".

You can't be living more in the land of "No" than when you don't ask for what you want. Not asking for what you want is a 100% guaranteed "No, Nada, Zilch, Zero, and quite frankly it ain't happening." It's a no with a capital N O followed by several exclamation points: NO!!! When we don't ask for what we want; it isn't another person telling us No, we are telling ourselves No.

When we don't ask for what we want we are not even giving the other person the choice to tell us yes or no. We are making the decision for them. And we are then conveniently laying the blame at their feet saying, "They were going to say no anyway." When we do this we are not accepting responsibility for ourselves and we are blaming someone else who isn't being given a choice in the matter.

We say we didn't ask because we are scared someone will say "No". I think the opposite is true. Since not asking is a guaranteed no, then asking means there is a possibility someone will say yes. One of my favorite phrases is, "You never know unless you ask." The truth is you do know. You may not know of a guaranteed yes but there are things we know for certain. Not asking is a sure NO. Asking opens the door to a possible Yes.

You see, most of us build our lives on shaky half truths or bold face lies. We tell ourselves all the time what we can't do and who we are not, all the while we hide from who we really are. Marianne Williamson says, "It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us." Not asking for what we want and not getting what we want reinforces the carefully built story we tell ourselves. The story about not being beautiful or talented. Not being strong, smart or brave. But it especially it reinforces the stories about no one loving or caring about us, not being special, or important.

If you were to start asking for what you want and begin being told yes so you get what you want; it would begin to unravel these carefully constructed stories. You would be faced with the truth of the magnificent amazing being that you are. In the face of the success that arrives from putting yourself out there and asking for what you want, you would see the love and concern on your behalf, the importance you have in the world and how much you matter to your sphere of influence.

Again as Marianne Williamson says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." The truth is, none of us are afraid of being told no. We do this to ourselves on a regular basis every time we don't ask for what we want. We've become quite adept at telling ourselves no. Our real fear is of being told yes and having to face the fact that as Marianne Williamson says, "We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone."

If the glory of God resides within you, then in all honesty, there are no limits to the possibilities for you.