Sunday, July 28, 2013
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Being Afraid and Wanting to Give Up
I have been experiencing many changes inside of myself that are causing me to question everything at times and I feel like I don't have any more answers than I had before.
I have felt great and terrible. I have been filled with hope and ready to give up. Everything has been crystal clear and made absolutely no sense. I have found success and feel as though I have gained nothing. This roller coaster ride has felt so mixed up that I have not been sure of myself. And just when I was ready to throw in the towel the puzzle pieces finally began to come together in a way that I could see a vision emerge.
Several truths began to surface. Sometimes the truth can be hard to hear and we can be tempted to turn the other way. My teacher says our blessings depend on our level of defensiveness. Did I want to defend myself and be where I have always been or did I want something that only humbly listening to the truth would give me?
We have to give everything when we strive for something or we will get nothing, or at least less than what we really want. I don't want to settle anymore. I now realize that I don't give life everything I've got. I hold back just in case it won't work out. Just in case it fails or doesn't turn out. I only give what I think is safe. I only give to the point that I think I can still turn back, I can still walk away. I realized I do this out of fear because I don't want to fail, I don't want to get hurt, and I don't want to be in pain.
It seems like it makes sense, protecting myself this way. But the reality is that I am causing all of my own pain. Sure it may hurt when things don't turn out. Sure there may be pain if I fail. But the truth is there is more pain in never trying. There is more pain in always wondering "what if". There is more pain in never achieving my dreams, reaching the goal, or getting what I really want in life.
The pain it causes is feelings of hopelessness, despair, depression, fear, emptiness, despondency, doubt, being unsatisfied and incomplete. This list can go on and on. I am sure that if you have ever not given your all you know exactly what I am talking about. Something else I have learned from my teacher is this, if you give 100% in whatever you are doing even if it doesn't turn out the way you are planning you will still feel complete and satisfied. And he is right. I have done what he has suggested and it is true.
It's like a pregnant woman doing everything until it comes time for the baby to be born and then saying she's done everything and expecting the rest to work itself out exactly right with no further effort on her part. We may not realize it but this is what we are doing when we don't give 100% in life. Is it any wonder that we are unsatisfied in life?
In what ways do we hold back in life not giving our all? In what ways are we not giving it everything because we are trying to protect ourselves? What is it that we are so afraid of? Is the thought of embarrassment, humiliation, or disappointment that terrifying that we will not do whatever it takes to get what we want or be what we want in life? How long are you willing to be miserable before you are ready to do whatever it takes to get your dream?
These are the questions that have been brewing in my mind. I recently watched the movie After Earth with Will Smith. The movie trailer quote is, "Danger is real, Fear is a choice". In any pursuit there is some element of danger whether it is physical, fiscal, emotional, etc. But even though danger is real and possible, fear is a choice. Being afraid isn't something that just happens to you. Fear is a thought process. It is a part of the body's fight or flight survival mechanism. It is the body's attempt to keep you safe and alive.
Another quote from the movie that I like is, "Fear is the conscious mind searching for an answer it doesn't have." When the conscious mind feels like it can't find the answer, it feels like it is facing death. Another truth is that fear and faith cannot be in the same place at the same time. You cannot have fear and have faith, it is impossible. The thing about faith is this; faith is acting without an answer.
There is a quote from an unknown source about light, "All of the darkness cannot extinguish the smallest of lights." And so it is with faith. Just as the scriptures tells of the mustard seed. All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains. I share this with you because it takes faith and exercising that faith to give 100% in life. It takes faith to give it your all even when you don't know the answers or can see no good reason for it.
Your conscious mind doesn't understand this which is why it is always trying to protect itself. But your soul understands this completely. Which is why you feel unsatisfied and incomplete when you hold back in life. Your soul wants to live life completely. Your soul wants to soar. It wants to play and give everything it has. To do anything less leaves your soul feeling disheartened.
I have come to realize that to live life and feel satisfied is to live life in faith. To act and trust when I don't know the answers. I have to believe that there is a purpose even if I don't know what it is. I must exercise my faith by doing what I fear. I can do my best to evaluate the danger and plan but I must trust and act on faith rather than allowing fear to keep me from what I want.
These are the baby steps I am taking; listening to my heart and doing what I know is right regardless of what others may think of me, expressing gratitude instead of complaining when things happen that I can't see the reason for, checking that I have done all that I am able to do, not stressing or giving up when things don't look like they're working out, being responsible for what I think, say and do, and being accountable for my actions and cleaning up my messes.
We aren't here just to take up space or watch someone else live their dreams. We are all here to "make manifest the glory of God" as Marianne Williamson puts it. Living the life of your dreams is not just for some of us; it is for all of us. You were meant to shine just as much as anyone else. How long will you dim your light before you give yourself permission to be the star that you are?
I say it is high time we lit up the world with the magnificence of who we are. I for one am going to do just that. I am tired of feeling small and insignificant. I am ready to be big, bright and beautiful. I am going to make messes, embarrass myself, and do any number of awkward things that are out of my comfort zone. I didn't come here to be comfortable; I am here to be amazing. I have spent too much time watching life; I am going to live life to its fullest. I hope you find a way to do the same. God bless you.
I have felt great and terrible. I have been filled with hope and ready to give up. Everything has been crystal clear and made absolutely no sense. I have found success and feel as though I have gained nothing. This roller coaster ride has felt so mixed up that I have not been sure of myself. And just when I was ready to throw in the towel the puzzle pieces finally began to come together in a way that I could see a vision emerge.
Several truths began to surface. Sometimes the truth can be hard to hear and we can be tempted to turn the other way. My teacher says our blessings depend on our level of defensiveness. Did I want to defend myself and be where I have always been or did I want something that only humbly listening to the truth would give me?
We have to give everything when we strive for something or we will get nothing, or at least less than what we really want. I don't want to settle anymore. I now realize that I don't give life everything I've got. I hold back just in case it won't work out. Just in case it fails or doesn't turn out. I only give what I think is safe. I only give to the point that I think I can still turn back, I can still walk away. I realized I do this out of fear because I don't want to fail, I don't want to get hurt, and I don't want to be in pain.
It seems like it makes sense, protecting myself this way. But the reality is that I am causing all of my own pain. Sure it may hurt when things don't turn out. Sure there may be pain if I fail. But the truth is there is more pain in never trying. There is more pain in always wondering "what if". There is more pain in never achieving my dreams, reaching the goal, or getting what I really want in life.
The pain it causes is feelings of hopelessness, despair, depression, fear, emptiness, despondency, doubt, being unsatisfied and incomplete. This list can go on and on. I am sure that if you have ever not given your all you know exactly what I am talking about. Something else I have learned from my teacher is this, if you give 100% in whatever you are doing even if it doesn't turn out the way you are planning you will still feel complete and satisfied. And he is right. I have done what he has suggested and it is true.
It's like a pregnant woman doing everything until it comes time for the baby to be born and then saying she's done everything and expecting the rest to work itself out exactly right with no further effort on her part. We may not realize it but this is what we are doing when we don't give 100% in life. Is it any wonder that we are unsatisfied in life?
In what ways do we hold back in life not giving our all? In what ways are we not giving it everything because we are trying to protect ourselves? What is it that we are so afraid of? Is the thought of embarrassment, humiliation, or disappointment that terrifying that we will not do whatever it takes to get what we want or be what we want in life? How long are you willing to be miserable before you are ready to do whatever it takes to get your dream?
These are the questions that have been brewing in my mind. I recently watched the movie After Earth with Will Smith. The movie trailer quote is, "Danger is real, Fear is a choice". In any pursuit there is some element of danger whether it is physical, fiscal, emotional, etc. But even though danger is real and possible, fear is a choice. Being afraid isn't something that just happens to you. Fear is a thought process. It is a part of the body's fight or flight survival mechanism. It is the body's attempt to keep you safe and alive.
Another quote from the movie that I like is, "Fear is the conscious mind searching for an answer it doesn't have." When the conscious mind feels like it can't find the answer, it feels like it is facing death. Another truth is that fear and faith cannot be in the same place at the same time. You cannot have fear and have faith, it is impossible. The thing about faith is this; faith is acting without an answer.
There is a quote from an unknown source about light, "All of the darkness cannot extinguish the smallest of lights." And so it is with faith. Just as the scriptures tells of the mustard seed. All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains. I share this with you because it takes faith and exercising that faith to give 100% in life. It takes faith to give it your all even when you don't know the answers or can see no good reason for it.
Your conscious mind doesn't understand this which is why it is always trying to protect itself. But your soul understands this completely. Which is why you feel unsatisfied and incomplete when you hold back in life. Your soul wants to live life completely. Your soul wants to soar. It wants to play and give everything it has. To do anything less leaves your soul feeling disheartened.
I have come to realize that to live life and feel satisfied is to live life in faith. To act and trust when I don't know the answers. I have to believe that there is a purpose even if I don't know what it is. I must exercise my faith by doing what I fear. I can do my best to evaluate the danger and plan but I must trust and act on faith rather than allowing fear to keep me from what I want.
These are the baby steps I am taking; listening to my heart and doing what I know is right regardless of what others may think of me, expressing gratitude instead of complaining when things happen that I can't see the reason for, checking that I have done all that I am able to do, not stressing or giving up when things don't look like they're working out, being responsible for what I think, say and do, and being accountable for my actions and cleaning up my messes.
We aren't here just to take up space or watch someone else live their dreams. We are all here to "make manifest the glory of God" as Marianne Williamson puts it. Living the life of your dreams is not just for some of us; it is for all of us. You were meant to shine just as much as anyone else. How long will you dim your light before you give yourself permission to be the star that you are?
I say it is high time we lit up the world with the magnificence of who we are. I for one am going to do just that. I am tired of feeling small and insignificant. I am ready to be big, bright and beautiful. I am going to make messes, embarrass myself, and do any number of awkward things that are out of my comfort zone. I didn't come here to be comfortable; I am here to be amazing. I have spent too much time watching life; I am going to live life to its fullest. I hope you find a way to do the same. God bless you.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Quotes to live by
"I figure if a girl wants to be a legend, she should just go ahead and be one." ~ Calamity Jane
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Lions, Tigers, and Bears Oh My!
Between summer vacation, school, birthdays, and illnesses I have been busier than a three legged cat in a litter box as my husband likes to say. I have been caught up in a lot of personal growth and pain. Growing pains hurt and I would prefer not to have to experience them but at the same time I want the change that they bring. I know there is a way through the pain to the goal, it just hurts really bad.
I know that I can do it and it is possible. It's just hard to believe all the time when it I feel the way I feel. I have lots I want to write about and share with you. I appreciate your patience as I have been away so long. Thank you for coming back and checking to see what's new. I am excited to share my aha's and my tears so that maybe you can find some hope and help for your own experiences.
God bless you to know that you can do it too.
I know that I can do it and it is possible. It's just hard to believe all the time when it I feel the way I feel. I have lots I want to write about and share with you. I appreciate your patience as I have been away so long. Thank you for coming back and checking to see what's new. I am excited to share my aha's and my tears so that maybe you can find some hope and help for your own experiences.
God bless you to know that you can do it too.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Sunday, July 7, 2013
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