Sunday, May 31, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
The Human Condition
Recently I had an experience that caused me great pain. My family was fighting. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love my family and I want them to be happy. For me, fighting is contrary to happiness. So of course that means I don't like fighting, especially in my family. Not only do I not like fighting but I try to keep it from happening as much as possible.
Over the last couple of years I have done a lot of learning, growing and work to come to the place where I am now. In this place I don't take things so personal, I'm more relaxed and respond less stress-fully to people and situations. And I am not perfect, so on this occasion I was just not able to get out of some old habits and it made for a very hard day. I jumped right on that train of hopelessness and despair, blaming and feeling guilty; that by the end of the day it was I could do not to call it quits with these relationships.
What it boils down to is, I was not getting what I wanted and I was mad. I was mad at them for not being the way I wanted them to be and doing what I wanted them to do. Then I was mad at myself for not being able to stop it or fix it. Now after several days have passed I am beginning to wonder, who was being selfish, them for doing what they wanted in spite of what I wanted or me for wanting what I wanted to the point that I was refusing to let them choose for themselves?
It's so funny, we decide we want something to the point that we won't let anyone have a choice or a say about it, but if we don't get a choice we have an ever loving fit. Not only that but we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their actions. It's all a lopsided affair full of blame, shame, guilt and double standards.
I have come to the conclusion that not much separates us from who we are now and the two year old we once were. It really doesn't take much to send us into a fit and meltdown. Just tell us no, we can't have what we want, things aren't the way we thought, etc. and we regress into that two year old, crying, yelling, accusing, stomping, slamming and hitting at who ever and what ever it is we think is the cause of our pain, fear, disappointment and confusion.
I think I am beginning to understand that not all of my hurt feelings were about not getting what I want. I think there is something else happening that is causing a deeper hurt; it's the fact that I was not willing to give them choice. I wanted what I wanted and that was it. It didn't matter what they wanted, so long as I was getting what I wanted. I feel this is contrary to our soul's understanding of what loving someone truly is. To love someone is to give them a choice. Not only do you give them a choice, you give them a choice without conditions.
The human condition is to put conditions on everything, especially on love. You see these conditions all the time in "If, then" statements. If you love me then you won't... If you love me then you will... We think things like, if you hurt me then you don't love me or if you're rude to me then I'm not important to you. But none of this is true. We make mistakes all the time that hurt the people we love and we know we didn't do it because we didn't love them. We know that our mistake that hurt them wasn't about whether we loved them, it was about what was going on with us that we made the mistake. And yet, when they make a mistake that hurts us we make it mean something about us; like they don't love us, care about us, or we're not important to them.
The truth is; we love each other and we make mistakes that hurt each other. It's not love or mistakes, it's love and mistakes. Putting conditions on love sets us up for painful experiences. Not getting what I want doesn't mean I'm not loved or that I'm unimportant to the people I love, it simply means I didn't get what I want for whatever reason. Yes, that's disappointing. But why couple that with the pain of believing something that isn't true and that only serves to cause distrust and hurtful relationships and experiences.
Experiences and relationships are painful enough without us adding the weight of conditions that only lead to more pain, misunderstandings, disappointment and heartache. God teaches of unconditional love. I think he does this because he knows how damaging conditions on love are. Unconditional love doesn't mean not having hopes and dreams. It's having hopes and dreams while leaving an opportunity for love and a choice.
I recognize now that I added to my pain by not giving my family a choice while wanting what I want. I can't control them, I can only control me. If I give them a choice, it doesn't mean I'll get what I want. But it does mean that I am removing the weight and pressure of conditions that will only lead to increased pain and disappointment if things aren't the way I want them to be.
Over the last couple of years I have done a lot of learning, growing and work to come to the place where I am now. In this place I don't take things so personal, I'm more relaxed and respond less stress-fully to people and situations. And I am not perfect, so on this occasion I was just not able to get out of some old habits and it made for a very hard day. I jumped right on that train of hopelessness and despair, blaming and feeling guilty; that by the end of the day it was I could do not to call it quits with these relationships.
What it boils down to is, I was not getting what I wanted and I was mad. I was mad at them for not being the way I wanted them to be and doing what I wanted them to do. Then I was mad at myself for not being able to stop it or fix it. Now after several days have passed I am beginning to wonder, who was being selfish, them for doing what they wanted in spite of what I wanted or me for wanting what I wanted to the point that I was refusing to let them choose for themselves?
It's so funny, we decide we want something to the point that we won't let anyone have a choice or a say about it, but if we don't get a choice we have an ever loving fit. Not only that but we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge others by their actions. It's all a lopsided affair full of blame, shame, guilt and double standards.
I have come to the conclusion that not much separates us from who we are now and the two year old we once were. It really doesn't take much to send us into a fit and meltdown. Just tell us no, we can't have what we want, things aren't the way we thought, etc. and we regress into that two year old, crying, yelling, accusing, stomping, slamming and hitting at who ever and what ever it is we think is the cause of our pain, fear, disappointment and confusion.
I think I am beginning to understand that not all of my hurt feelings were about not getting what I want. I think there is something else happening that is causing a deeper hurt; it's the fact that I was not willing to give them choice. I wanted what I wanted and that was it. It didn't matter what they wanted, so long as I was getting what I wanted. I feel this is contrary to our soul's understanding of what loving someone truly is. To love someone is to give them a choice. Not only do you give them a choice, you give them a choice without conditions.
The human condition is to put conditions on everything, especially on love. You see these conditions all the time in "If, then" statements. If you love me then you won't... If you love me then you will... We think things like, if you hurt me then you don't love me or if you're rude to me then I'm not important to you. But none of this is true. We make mistakes all the time that hurt the people we love and we know we didn't do it because we didn't love them. We know that our mistake that hurt them wasn't about whether we loved them, it was about what was going on with us that we made the mistake. And yet, when they make a mistake that hurts us we make it mean something about us; like they don't love us, care about us, or we're not important to them.
The truth is; we love each other and we make mistakes that hurt each other. It's not love or mistakes, it's love and mistakes. Putting conditions on love sets us up for painful experiences. Not getting what I want doesn't mean I'm not loved or that I'm unimportant to the people I love, it simply means I didn't get what I want for whatever reason. Yes, that's disappointing. But why couple that with the pain of believing something that isn't true and that only serves to cause distrust and hurtful relationships and experiences.
Experiences and relationships are painful enough without us adding the weight of conditions that only lead to more pain, misunderstandings, disappointment and heartache. God teaches of unconditional love. I think he does this because he knows how damaging conditions on love are. Unconditional love doesn't mean not having hopes and dreams. It's having hopes and dreams while leaving an opportunity for love and a choice.
I recognize now that I added to my pain by not giving my family a choice while wanting what I want. I can't control them, I can only control me. If I give them a choice, it doesn't mean I'll get what I want. But it does mean that I am removing the weight and pressure of conditions that will only lead to increased pain and disappointment if things aren't the way I want them to be.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Attitude of Gratitude
I am grateful for school. Can my kids go back now? Just kidding. I love having them home.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Congratulations!
Yeah, my oldest is graduating from High School! It seems like it was just yesterday when she was born and here we are. Where did the time go? I wish I could rewind time but alas, I cannot.
Congratulations Alexis, I love you! You did it!
Congratulations Alexis, I love you! You did it!
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
Attitude of Gratitude
I am grateful for summer break. My kids will be home from school and I won't have to get up to get them ready in the morning, yeah!
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Whole Person Preparedness Conference
If you are interested in learning how to prepare yourself for the world you are living in today as well as the world you may face tomorrow, come to the Whole Person Preparedness Conference in Idaho Falls, Idaho on Sat. May 16, 2015 from 9 am to 6 pm. I will have a booth where I will be offering free intuitive readings for anyone who is interested in learning more about them. I look forward to seeing you there. It will be here:
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University Place
Building CHE
1770 Science Center Drive
Idaho Falls, Idaho
2nd Floor
Mother
I was at church on Sunday for Mother's Day and a speaker shared a song that his wife's family sings every Mother's Day. It's just so darn cute and funny I had to share it.
Mother
M is for the many things you've given me
O is for the other things you've given me
T is for the thousand things you've given me
H is for the hundred things you've given me
E is for everything you've given me
R is for the things I'd rather had
Many times as a mother we work so hard giving everything of ourselves and sacrificing ourselves and what we want all along the way. I'm not saying that we shouldn't do this but I think maybe it shouldn't be always, all the time with everything. How many times do we check to see if it's something they want rather than what we want for them?
As a mother we want lots of good things for our families but even though this is true I believe the gift of our love and efforts will be better received and appreciated if we make sure they want it for themselves and we give them a choice. After all, who wants to give and sacrifice so much when it is not wanted or received?
As a mother who has done all of the above and seeing the not so humorous side of "the things I'd rather had", I think I am finally maturing from an eager mother to a wise mother. There are times when as a mother, I am called to give everything and they don't want it. And what they want, they can't have because it is not good for them. There are other times when I can give what they want and times when I can let them choose for themselves, even though those choices will cause them pain and heartache.
The beauty of God's design is not that I am here to prevent there every unhappiness and provide there every happiness. His design allows for them to have those bumps and scrapes while encircled in my loving arms, where the consequences are less devastating and I can intervene with the wisdom he has given me when necessary.
There are seasons for sacrificing and times for being hands off. The trick is knowing how and when to do both. There are moments for giving them what you want and for giving them what they want. There are opportunities to help them with their choices and there are times when they must choose for themselves. The blessing is that God is always there ready to offer a hand with the child he gave you. You never have to do all by yourself, alone or blind. He is eager to help you. All you have to do is ask. The fact that he gave you your child means he has confidence in you and believes you can do it. And you can.
May God bless you in your work as a mother!
Mother
M is for the many things you've given me
O is for the other things you've given me
T is for the thousand things you've given me
H is for the hundred things you've given me
E is for everything you've given me
R is for the things I'd rather had
Many times as a mother we work so hard giving everything of ourselves and sacrificing ourselves and what we want all along the way. I'm not saying that we shouldn't do this but I think maybe it shouldn't be always, all the time with everything. How many times do we check to see if it's something they want rather than what we want for them?
As a mother we want lots of good things for our families but even though this is true I believe the gift of our love and efforts will be better received and appreciated if we make sure they want it for themselves and we give them a choice. After all, who wants to give and sacrifice so much when it is not wanted or received?
As a mother who has done all of the above and seeing the not so humorous side of "the things I'd rather had", I think I am finally maturing from an eager mother to a wise mother. There are times when as a mother, I am called to give everything and they don't want it. And what they want, they can't have because it is not good for them. There are other times when I can give what they want and times when I can let them choose for themselves, even though those choices will cause them pain and heartache.
The beauty of God's design is not that I am here to prevent there every unhappiness and provide there every happiness. His design allows for them to have those bumps and scrapes while encircled in my loving arms, where the consequences are less devastating and I can intervene with the wisdom he has given me when necessary.
There are seasons for sacrificing and times for being hands off. The trick is knowing how and when to do both. There are moments for giving them what you want and for giving them what they want. There are opportunities to help them with their choices and there are times when they must choose for themselves. The blessing is that God is always there ready to offer a hand with the child he gave you. You never have to do all by yourself, alone or blind. He is eager to help you. All you have to do is ask. The fact that he gave you your child means he has confidence in you and believes you can do it. And you can.
May God bless you in your work as a mother!
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Attitude of Gratitude
Today I am grateful for my own attitude of gratitude. It surprises me that my own expressions of gratitude become the very words I need to hear at that moment. Not only that but it seems to be in those exact moments that I am also able to see how God is with me, helping me, protecting and guiding me.
Today I am alive and I am loved. What more can I ask for.
Today I am alive and I am loved. What more can I ask for.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Quotes to live by
"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." ~ President Abraham Lincoln
Sunday, May 3, 2015
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