Recommit

There have been many times in my life when I have learned something and it has been life changing. I then begin implementing it into my life. As I do this I begin to see the benefits of it at work in my life. I become excited, happy and grateful for having it. Then as time passes it begins to feel like it isn't quite working anymore or it isn't working in the same way. This leads to some feelings of discouragement and questions of it really working.

Having these kinds of experiences can be confusing especially after seeing such success earlier. I am often left questioning and feeling that things just aren't meant to work out for me. In reality I know this isn't true but when I don't know what's going on or how to explain or fix it, I think we grasp for something because we want answers. We'll even buy into things that aren't true.

I have recently had this experience again. It feels deflating and defeating. Quite frankly I become down right tired of it. It gets frustrating. I feel like I have finally gotten a hold of things and have gotten into the swing of things and wham, it's like someone pulled the rug from under me. And sometimes I'll admit, I have a big old temper tantrum when it happens. I know it's not the best reaction but sometimes it's the only one I feel like at the time.

However, even though this is not what I would like to happen I know that there is a purpose for it. It can take a while for me to figure out what that is. The reason may be that I need to keep doing what I am doing but take it to the next level. Sometimes what we first learn is just a stepping stone to where we really want to be. Sometimes I have become lax and haven't followed through with everything or I am just going through the motions. In any of the different cases I have found one constant that I need regardless of why something is or isn't working. That one thing is commitment.

When we first start something we commit ourselves to doing it. But I don't think that we realize we have to keep committing ourselves every day. You do not just committ yourself once but continually. Every day you have to recommit yourself to all that you committed to in the first place. It is this recommitment that keeps you going, that helps you through the changes and the frustrations. Without this daily recommitment I think we eventually are lead to giving up or failure. With this recommitment we are moved forward, even propelled towards the success we seek.

It can be difficult and there are many reasons why you should just give up but there are just as many reasons to continue. One of the biggest is that yes, you really do want it. So be willing to do everything you can to have it. Commit yourself to it not just the first time but every time. And remember, everything is darkest just before dawn. If it feels dark, too hard, and unbearable then you know it's just around the corner. Hold on and the light will come bringing with it your much desired success.

Mama called the doctor and the doctor said

There hasn't been much posting lately and I have missed writing terribly. In one of my lasts posts I shared that I was experiencing a cold. Apparently I am experiencing some other things as well. I haven't been to the doctor in over two years. My health has been very good that I haven't needed to go. In a little over a week I have been to the doctor 4 times, have had several blood draws and have several more doctor appointments scheduled. Being a private person I have contemplated whether or not I wanted to share my experiences or not. I also know that sharing things may help someone else and I don't want to feel like I am living in hiding.

I have had a swollen lymph node in my throat for over 2 years now. I decided to go in for a physical and talk to a doctor about it. While at the doctor's they found that my thyroid was swollen. They sent me in for an ultrasound. From the ultrasound they have found two lumps on my thyroid. I saw an ENT specialist yesterday. After discussing my situation I am going to have an ultrasound guided aspiration of the lumps. Basically they are going in to take samples to do a biopsy of the tissue. They are doing this to rule out cancer.

The doctor said the chances of it being cancer are small. Whether or not it is, I am okay. I have been concerned but I have not been afraid. In all of the things that I have come to learn, one of the most important is that all we have is this moment. All we have is now. We do not live in the past or the future but in the present. None of us are walking around with expiration dates stamped on our forehead, even those with an illness. There are just as many completely healthy people who leave life unexpectedly.

Life to me is not about how long we are here but rather it is about what we do while we are here. There are many people who live a very long life with little to no joy in it or for it. Then there are others who live a relatively short life who have much joy regardless of their experiences. I choose to see that in this moment I have everything. I have an amazing husband who treats me like a queen. I have beautiful children who love me. I have a home that is warm and safe. I have a fridge full of food and the list goes on and on. I have much to be grateful for and in this moment I choose to see the blessings of the Lord in my life. As for the moments of tomorrow, I will wait until such time as they become my present moment and I will then make my choices accordingly. At this time I choose not to waste my time or energy fretting over or fearing that which is not yet.

Life truly is as joyful or defeating as we choose to see it. It is either a gift or a curse depending on us. We are the ones who decide. After all, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." So I challenge you, do not let your life's joy be as a leaf tossed in the wind never knowing where it will end up. But rather decide now to be joyful that whatever wind of life comes blowing, you and your joy may never be separated.

The last bit of news from the doctor, we are going to have another baby! I know that there are no accidents and that God has perfect timing. I choose to see that everything is exactly as it should be and is for my good. Whatever happens tomorrow I know not, but as for today I am just fine. May God bless you that whatever you are experiencing at the moment, you can see the good in it.

Quotes to live by

"You'll know more about what you can do by doing, than you'll ever know by worrying." ~ Misty